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When our site asked me to talk about my first Mother's Day, I was stumped. I hadn't even realized that the big day was coming! Between being a new mother to a wonderful baby, work, confinement and day to day ... it had completely passed me by! Yes, this year I celebrate my first Mother's Day with my beloved daughter and until now that I have stopped to write, I have not been able to reflect what it means to me.
The truth is that in recent years the Mother's Day it has always been a bittersweet day. On the one hand, I live far from my homeland, Spain, so I never have the opportunity to give my mother a hug on this special day.
Videoconferencing is always a way of affection and a way to enjoy, even a little bit, from my mother, but, let's face it, it is not the same as having the opportunity to give her a 'real' hug, a hug in the flesh and bone. On the other hand, I am a mother at heart, I mean, 'stepmother', and also a very present, so this day has sometimes become more a mess of emotions than anything else.
Society does not usually take into account families other than the traditional ones, so that, as far as I know, there is no day of the stepmother, there is not even a gratitude as such towards this figure. Being a mother at heart is not easy, but being a son at heart is not either, so the celebration of Mother's Day in these circumstances has always been somewhat complicated.
We have always looked for solutions, based on what my son has wanted each year. Sometimes we have celebrated a day before, other times Mother's Day in Spain (which is the first Sunday in May, while in Mexico it is May 10), and on occasion I have had the opportunity to celebrate it with him himself. day. Honestly, between one thing and another, I learned to try not to give it too much importance, so that the process would be a little more fluid.
However, this year everything has changed. I'm celebrating Mother's Day with my little one for the first time! How exciting! And above, I can celebrate it twice: Mother's Day in Spain and in Mexico (something good had to have living between two worlds). And this leads me to reflect on what I feel, on what being a mother has meant to me in these months and even on what it means to be a daughter.
Motherhood has added another dimension to my perspective as a daughter. Not that I consider myself a bad daughter, but I really think that before, I may not have had the ability to fully appreciate everything my mother has done for me.
I had never stopped to think about the entire caregiving process as a baby. The ability to put yourself in the background to care for your baby is immensely powerful. I had never stopped to imagine my mother making the effort it took to raise my sister and me, because I had never really experienced it.
I do not mean to say that mothers should not also take care of themselves, but really in motherhood there are times when you can't help thinking only and exclusively about your baby (I suppose it is a biological process, especially in the early years).
Every time I spend hours with my baby in my arms because he doesn't want to sleep in the crib; every time I wake up at night to breastfeed her; every time my heart skips when something happens; every time I worry if his poop smells different; if you have a strange day and cry, if you bite your hand too much; every time my heart softens to see her laugh and I think I want to make her happy all my life ... Now I am aware that my mother also had all those feelings with me.
I have never felt so grateful to my mother before, never before had I felt so close to her and never before had I fully appreciated her work as a mother. For me, my mother has always been a fighter and hardworking woman, and I have always admired her for it. Now I also admire her for being a mother, just that, MOTHER
Still my baby is too small to understand what the Mother's Day. She only knows that she needs her mother and, above all, she must know that I am the one who feeds her, the one who allows her to live on and the one who always, always! I'm there for anything: from a sweetheart to caring for her if she gets sick (without belittling her dad, of course).
The truth is that I am living the process of motherhood in a very intense way. I suppose that is the case for most of the mothers. Becoming a MOTHER, with capital letters, is meaning a whole change within my being. Suddenly, your life takes on a different meaning, your daughter is the main engine of your life and you realize that it will always be like that.
I am one of those who defend that women are not only mothers, but really becoming a mother has meant an essential change in my way of perceiving and feeling the world, my world. Now I realize that this feeling will last a lifetime, and I enjoy it every moment. People often tell me that the first year is the most difficult, and of course it is difficult (it is exhausting!), But at the same time it is transformative.
I think that I am not yet fully aware of the change that I am experiencing as a person, but I know that this change is there. I am much more sensitive to the world around me, I am concerned about the future, not only mine, but that of my daughter and future generations, that of the world of the future which is where my daughter will live. Of course, my personal concerns have taken a back seat for now, and now I just try to live day to day with my daughter.
I can't help feeling 'in love' with my daughter, when she pouts or gives me a smile it seems that the world stops, that nothing else exists and the immense happiness I experience is indescribable. Holding her or nursing her gives me a kind of superhuman strength to make decisions and move on. I know that now, as a mother, I am a stronger and more powerful person, I also know that I have a responsibility before me for life, but it is such a gratifying responsibility that at the same time I am grateful every day for having the opportunity to live it and assume it. conscious way.
Perhaps, if I had to express in one or two words what motherhood has meant to me, I could say tenderness and strength. And now I understand the power of tenderness and how incredibly strong we could be as a society if our coexistence were based on many of the feelings and transformations that motherhood brings ...
For all this, this year I will celebrate Mother's Day with enthusiasm. Although it surely has to be at home, because perhaps we will not be able to go out yet, despite everything that is happening in the world, I will celebrate it as a way to vindicate that nature of motherhood, which could transform the world into a place best.
Thank you daughter for teaching me to love from the power of tenderness, thank you for coming into my life!
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