Jealousy is a type of universal, inevitable and above all natural feeling in childhood, a product of fear or fear of losing the love, affection or attention of father or mother that occurs more frequently with the arrival of a new brother. or sister home. Jealousy considerably modifies the behavior of children who suffer from it due to the suffering they produce. Parents must be aware of this and avoid generating, accusing or chronifying that jealousy that causes so much discomfort in the whole family. These are the 10 mistakes made by parents that make their children jealous.
While it is true that with the arrival of a new sibling it is practically inevitable that our children experience the pang of jealousy, parents can do a lot so that they do not become chronic or stiff. By following some simple guidelines like the ones we discussed, you can avoid most frequent mistakes that parents make and that generate jealousy in their children.
1. Become impatient and intolerant of the older child's behaviors, forgetting that he is still small and that he needs us as much or more than before his new brother or sister was born. At this stage it is likely that the oldest child will regress in some of their behaviors, such as, for example, wetting the bed again when it was already an issue that we considered overcome. You have to be patient and understanding, it is a stage that with our help you will eventually overcome.
2. Have high levels of demand and expectations unrealistic compared to the eldest regardless of their age level When we become parents for the second time, we make an important mistake that causes deep discomfort in our oldest son and that is to see him as if he had suddenly grown up, assuming that he must behave in a different way than he had until now: we demand that he behave behave better, take care of his brother, love him from minute one, share, think of others ... something he cannot do overnight.
3. Do not allow him to help and collaborate with the care of the newborn. If there is something that all children want is to collaborate and look like us, so if we want our oldest child to feel important and not left out, we must allow him to help us at baby's bath time, sing to him, caress, comfort him if he cries ... This type of task gives him a special role that enhances his self-esteem and reduces the feeling that mom and dad love the baby more.
4. Point out your mistakes, see all the negative things you do. Surely our eldest son does many things well throughout the day. Let's look at them more than the mistakes you can make and acknowledge them. He's just a kid and it's normal for him to be wrong!
5. Scold him constantly. It is not necessary to always be on top of him, this will cause more frustration and add discomfort. You have to talk to him in a simple way, especially when he does something else.
6. Not showing him how much we love him. No matter how angry we are in an extreme situation, we must continue to show him that we are still by his side, that we love him and that he will not lose our love. We are your parents, we will always be by your side and help you.
7. Talk about him or his behavior in front of other people. Even if he is a child and seems distracted in other things, he or she understands everything we say and feels bad when we 'criticize' him.
8. Intervene in all the little quarrels, fights or frictions that inevitably occur in coexistence between siblings.
9. Compare him with other children or with his brother, and it is that the comparisons are odious and produce an added pain that does not lead to anything. Each person is the way they are and although we have a lot to learn, each one of us is who we are with our pluses and minuses.
10. Excessive praise for the behaviors, behaviors or work of the younger brother. Many times without realizing it we turn to one of our children, usually the little one and especially when he begins to do cute things that attract all our attention. While it is true that we must encourage the progress and progress of our children, we must do so in a fair and reasonable way. If the jealous child observes that we only highlight all the good and wonderful things his brother does, he may feel belittled and relegated to the background. Let's try to highlight all the good things that both have without one of them getting our full attention.
Once we know those behaviors or behaviors that adults with children must correct and that we have begun to change all or some of them, it is also time to use those resources to work childhood jealousy with our children. Poems or stories can be a very useful tool for this, since through stories, characters are shown who live situations in which our children can see themselves reflected.
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